Let's Reflect for a Minute

Well, today is Thursday May 15th and tomorrow at this time I will be heading home at the completion of my spring semester and my first year away at college. This went quickly didn't it? Here's the thing. Time doesn't seem to go quickly when you're in it. Only looking back does it seem to go fast. I'm afraid that the rest of my life is going to go this quickly. Hours, days, weeks, months, years. They're starting to blur already.

I learned a few things about myself this year. First, I can adjust to new situations. I used to hate change, it would trigger my anxieties. And now after this huge transition, I believe in myself to overcome any challenge. Sadness disappears, and joy comes when you aren't expecting it. I learned how to be myself on my own. Who I am partially comes from who I grew up with and where I came from, but not totally. I am me, with or without familiar surroundings.

I have anger issues, anxieties, and obsessive compulsive tendencies. By no means am I diagnosing myself with any kind of mental illness, but I'm recognizing my flaws, the things that separate me from others. I can recognize what things trigger me. Ignorance triggers my anger. New situations trigger my anxiety. And discomfort triggers my obsessiveness.

It wasn't until recently that my anger became a problem. I wish I was timid, I wish my mouth didn't get me into trouble, but that's just not who I am. I am loud and outspoken and I get angry when people piss me off and treat me poorly.

Who knows the right way to be? All I know is how to be me. This year was about self discovery and putting myself in uncomfortable situations and watching them become comfortable.

This summer I will continue on this journey of discovery while also relaxing and trying to be less uptight. At this moment as I sit in a basically empty dorm room, all I want is to be sitting on the Long Beach boardwalk with an iced tea in hand. I need release and I plan on getting it.

This summer I'll be taking my crazy ass abroad to Europe for my first time. Obviously there will be some blog posting when I return after my 22 day trip. I can't wait.

Now to go drink until its time to go home.