It's great when you're bored. It's awful when you should be busy. I should be focusing my attention on the here and now. And yet, I spend the majority of my days subconsciously wishing I was somewhere else. Am I too embarrassed to admit that I might not be happy here? Or happy in general? When someone asks, "how are you?" its much easier to say "good" than "eh, I've been better." because following that, you must explain how you constantly feel alone and unworthy of anyone's attention. Or how you feel like everyone hates you because you have an attitude. Or how you feel stuck up and like a tight ass because you're too scared to actually let loose and have fun. I'm scared. I get nervous, and embarrassed. I get anxious and fearful of social situations where I don't feel comfortable. I have a fun personality when I'm comfortable. But when I'm not, I barely speak.
Its awful. I feel trapped behind my anxieties. And I don't know how to unchain myself from myself.
