Last First Day of High School

What an odd thing to say. Today was the last time I get to experience to first day jitters at my high school. The last time I get to fill my locker and decorate it. The last time learning who is in each of my AP classes or who's in my gym class. Luckily for me, it was quite an easy day. I had three free periods, so I spent 3x42 minutes eating, or just relaxing and not being in class. It was especially lovely because I have my friends with me during frees and they have cars. Woohoo! The oddest part for me was being the oldest people there. Everyone else seems so tiny to me.. was I that small in 7th grade? I don't think so. Probably the best part of my day was seeing a little 7th grade girl walk in behind her brother. She didn't know that she didn't need her ID card because she didn't have it. And she didn't know to go into the cafeteria before the bell rings. She has 6 exciting years ahead of her, learning, growing and making friends. Developing relationships, maturing and realizing whats important. To me it is so scary to think that only 5 years ago that person was me. I had no clue what was in store or who I would become.

My friend Amanda and I in early 8th grade (Embarassing!!)

Sure, I had some friends from my elementary school, and I knew of some girls from the other schools joining to make my 7th grade classes, but that was only a select few. My class is quite small for a high school at only about 200 students, but it just seems larger than life. There are so many people that I look up to in my class and respect. There are those who I have watched grow through the years and they have watched me grow as well. Its so scary to think that in a few short months may never see some of these people again. Clearly there is life after High School and the friends you make in college are friends for life. But I am lucky to say that I have a select few girls that I want to keep in my life for the long run. My friend Abigail, for instance, who I met in dance class and we've gone to high school together. She is my best friend and I can see it staying that way forever. 

Me and Abby!

Basically, my point here is that I've had so much fun in high school and I honestly would re live it the exact way it happened. I still have a fun and exciting year ahead of me and I can't wait to live it and cherish each moment. I've always been a sap but I swear I'm going to be a mess by the end of this school year. 

Until next time, 

stay fearless

Summers on its Deathbed...

One of my favorite lines from Panic at the Disco's song "Calendar". Tonight is my last night of summer. And as I sit on my bed staring into a computer screen for the umpteenth night in a row, I can say with honesty that I had a great summer. Summer isn't about having plans for every moment or fulfilling a bucket list, its more about enjoying moments as they come. I look back in my head to sitting on my Aunt's boat up at the lake watching the sun set over the mountains. Or watching the moon sparkle over the ocean at the beach. Or even sitting in a car watching the trees as they pass by on a road trip.
Enjoying summer isn't about being able to list every exciting and exotic place you went, Its about being able to look back and remember all the small moments of excitement. Maybe it was the first big drop on that roller coaster at Dorney Park, or jumping into that pool. This summer was also a time of realization of a couple important things. One being that the measure of how great you are isn't about how many guys you can get in one summer or the number of times you went skinny dipping. Its more  about how you treat others and view yourself. It takes a special kind of person to look past what seems important at 17 years old, that being boys, clothes, makeup, and nail polish. But my summer wasn't about that. It was about not putting on makeup to go to the beach or even to the supermarket. It was about feeling the way I wish I always felt. Beautiful, confident and intelligent.
Looking past all the bullshit that life can feed you sometimes. Its a given that life can be much easier in the summertime, when the only thing stopping you from going anywhere and doing anything is yourself. Because the bottom line is that life is exactly what you make it, and you can only feel how you want to feel when you force yourself to feel it. And looking a certain way will never make me happy, because I feel that no matter how I look I will still want to look a different way. So whats the fucking point to it all? There is none. Fuck not being good enough for certain people, because they don't matter one bit in the scheme of things. Not in my scheme anyway.


Until next time,

stay free spirited