Head to Heart

So begins a new semester. It's very difficult to believe that this is my fourth semester here at school. To give you all an update on my life, I'm doing wonderfully! Classes have begun and I like all of them so far. I got a weekly babysitting job to have some extra cash and the radio station is starting up again. I have a feeling I'm going to be getting much busier.

As for romance and personal growth.. strange that I decided to word it that way, anyways..

I've decided that I need to put myself first. I have many great qualities about me, and I hear it all the time from the amazing people in my life, but sometimes I tend to forget it. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't see the most perfect version of myself. This has been a problem of mine for as long as I can remember. I'm never proud of myself. I have plenty of accomplishments under my belt but I still feel inadequate most days. It even translates into my personal relationships, I will hold myself back from people I have just met in fear that I will talk too much. And I fear that what I have to say won't be interesting or important to the person I'm talking to. I'm at the gym nearly every day working out for hours on end, and when I leave I am still unsatisfied with my performance. I wonder if I will ever shake this feeling.

It's the strangest thing, being this outgoing and seemingly confident person is not all its cracked up to me. Its not that I hate myself.. that's definitely not it. I just don't see myself as particularly extraordinary. Despite all of the wonderful things that happen in my life.. past, present, and future.

Nonetheless, God has put someone in my life as of recently that I am excited to learn about. It feels good, and he's sweet. No matter what happens with it, it's great to meet new people who enjoy your company.

Katie: You can run a 9 minute mile. You are on track to graduate college a year ahead. You are in a position of power at the campus radio station. You have nice blonde hair. You are funny and interesting.

These are things I know in my head but can't seem to feel in my heart.