I have taken all day to meditate on this, and though I am still uneasy, I am ready.
I, like many people I know, woke up this morning with a sickened, defeated feeling. The possibility of a Trump presidency in continuance of his campaign rhetoric is to me, terrifying. I fear for my rights as a woman, but also for the rights of my fellow marginalized Americans. The LGBT community, minorities, and refugees. I couldn't help but break down in tears when thinking about what their lives under a Trump presidency would look like. Not only has Trump made a mockery of each of these groups with his words, his vice presidential pick has taken significant action in Indiana to ensure their lives are made hell.
As a woman, I see very clearly the divide that separates us. The normalized thought that a woman is far less capable than a man, less trustworthy, and that her rights as a citizen are less important than those of men. Misogyny is alive and well in the United States of America. Not just because a woman lost, but because the man who defeated her is a outright sexist, abuser, and potential rapist. And none of these characteristics were enough to vote against him.
I am disappointed in the party system. I am disappointed in the American electorate. I am disappointed in myself for not getting more involved.
But despite all of this, today I am more motivated than I have ever been about my career pursuits. Today I am proud to be a journalist, and I will exert my every effort to share the stories of these coming years. Marginalized people and their supporters need to step up and make their voices heard. Law school is not just an option anymore. It's a must.
Today we continue the revolution Bernie spoke about, in which millions of people come together in support of equality and fairness in a country where "all men are created equal." Don't quiet your voice, don't step down from what you believe. Lets keep the faith and do the work necessary for real, progressive change in this country. I believe in us. Its only two years until midterm elections, but until then we need to make sure we get out there, get involved, and organize. It's all going to be okay, God's got us.
Monday, December 5, 2016
Saturday, March 26, 2016
Australia, I'll be Back for You
Month One:
Months 2 & 3
Months 4&5
Putting all three compilation videos in one place for my and your convenience. I'll love watching these forever... please read my previous post if you want an idea of what this experience felt like for me.
-Katie
Months 2 & 3
Months 4&5
Putting all three compilation videos in one place for my and your convenience. I'll love watching these forever... please read my previous post if you want an idea of what this experience felt like for me.
-Katie
End One Adventure, Begin Another
Well, I'm back. Technically I've been back for a month now from my study abroad experience. I've had some time to reflect on the months as a whole and I think now I'm ready to write about it.
While I was abroad I kept a journal and I think the entries in there will remain there and only there. But here, I'll start from the beginning.
Arrival was a mass mix of emotions. From the second the first plane took off, all I could think about was the unknown. Strange, imagining that I could think about things that didn't happen yet or experiences I hoped I would have, picturing what the experience would look like. At landing, I thought about how glorious the day would be when I came home. I was terrified, essentially. Luckily, I had Ross, my childhood live in Australian nanny to pick me up. It was pouring rain and I was looking around at all the unfamiliarity surrounding me. The passenger side of the car was on the wrong side.
Ross took a detour and showed me my first glimpse of Sydney, the city I would call home for the next 5 months. I stayed awake as long as I could that day, but still managed to wake up at 5 a.m. In New York time that was 1 p.m., so I was able to stay distracted via social media. The day I moved into my apartment was another rainy Sydney morning. Alone, and with no cell service or map, I found my way to 702 Harris Street and checked in. The empty bedroom and suite style apartment excited me, and decorating and unpacking gave me something to do for a while.
The first few weeks are a strange blur. Days seemed to drag on where I had little to nothing to do. That first Sunday, I went alone to a student event; a walk to the Rocks, the historic district around the Opera House. It was there that I met my best friend.
I'd like to share a little something I learned from all of this. That piece of knowledge is that we don't meet people for no reason. Human connections don't come out of nowhere. This is where you are supposed to be. I'd like to thank God's plan for bringing me Sandra and Mathew. First, I'll start with Sandra.
I remember thinking she was far too cool to want to waste any time with me. She and I discovered we are both journalism majors, and were enrolled in one of the same classes. I don't recall exactly what brought us so close, but I am so incredibly grateful that it happened. It wasn't long before we were spending drunken nights eating kebabs and maccas together. Drinking boxed wine until the entire thing was empty. And sharing a delicious hungover meal together at moo burger that we didn't deserve, only to follow it by returning to our respective homes and taking a nap. I so wish that we had lived together, because I can only imagine just how much fun that would have been. Sandra and I share one important trait, and that's that we can make ANYTHING into a joke. And that's exactly what we did. I miss her so much. It's like a part of me is missing now.
The first month of uni was a drunken blur, essentially. I had to figure out where exactly my classes were (got lost a few times), where to find the cheapest produce (Paddy's market), how much a week to spend on bubble teas (approximately $10 AUD), and how to get drunk fast for cheap (boxes of goon.)
Toward the end of August, I was feeling pretty decently homesick. And almost immediately after wondering why I had even put myself in this position, I met a young man by the name of Mathew. I met him on tinder, to be honest, but I don't even believe that.
Not even a minute into meeting him, he laughed at something I said that was in no way funny at all. Looking back now, I realized something was different about him from that moment on. We spent an awesome night together drinking buckets of coronas on Darling Harbor, talking until the sun set and then some. We went back to my building to join my friends in celebrating a birthday for Odette, up on the rooftop. It was like the place was empty. I didn't want to talk to anyone else, there was only him. He followed me downstairs to my room so I could grab my purse on the way out, the apartment was dark as we were walking out. Boldened by a few drinks, I turned around and kissed him. I just had to.
The first few times we hung out afterwords felt almost uncomfortable, because of how comfortable it was. Does that make sense? It does to me. I was confused about his feelings because he was so kind, so respectful. I wasn't used to it.
The next few months consisted of us growing closer, spending weekends and weeknights together. Waking up early so he could go to work. Hiking to lighthouses, cooking dinner, watching movies, cuddling, sleeping, existing together. Happiness coursed through my veins.
The only way I was ever sad was because of my past issues. Breaking down emotional walls is the most challenging thing a person can do. "You didn't do this to me, you don't deserve this," I cried. Easier for me to believe that he was unfaithful or lying than to think he was being truthful and loving. "It's okay, we're gonna talk about this and figure it out." he said 20,000 times, speaking directly to my insecurity.
It's been a few weeks since I cried about it, but writing this now by the dim light of my laptop brings me to tears. I am out of ways to express my gratitude, my appreciation for what he has done to me. When I returned, people asked, how do you feel?
"I feel light, I feel carefree and without this heavy burden I used to carry on my shoulders."
I didn't realize how heavy a load I had created for myself until it was gone. This is how I am meant to feel.
I want everyone to know and learn one thing from this post. Self discovery is the most important discovery you can make. Find yourself, and accept yourself fully, then you can be happy no matter what the circumstance. I met incredible people on my journey who helped me to discover that the person I am is acceptable and lovable. I am forever grateful.
Now it's time to finish my bachelor's degree and figure out what my next step is. These next two semesters are already turning out to be adventures in themselves. Not as exciting and new as Australia was, but that's okay. I'm enjoying spending time with family and re-introducing myself to my life as this new, fulfilled person.
The future is wide open... and yes, it's scary, but its even more beautiful. I can do whatever I want next. I'm trying not to plan too far ahead, because the thought of years to come is a bit overwhelming, especially seeing as graduation is in my near future. I haven't known a life without school since I was 5 years old.. this time around, I'm confident I can figure it out.
Thank you to all the amazing, life changing people I met in Australia. No matter how many days and nights we spent together, it didn't feel like enough. I love you guys.
While I was abroad I kept a journal and I think the entries in there will remain there and only there. But here, I'll start from the beginning.
Arrival was a mass mix of emotions. From the second the first plane took off, all I could think about was the unknown. Strange, imagining that I could think about things that didn't happen yet or experiences I hoped I would have, picturing what the experience would look like. At landing, I thought about how glorious the day would be when I came home. I was terrified, essentially. Luckily, I had Ross, my childhood live in Australian nanny to pick me up. It was pouring rain and I was looking around at all the unfamiliarity surrounding me. The passenger side of the car was on the wrong side.
Ross took a detour and showed me my first glimpse of Sydney, the city I would call home for the next 5 months. I stayed awake as long as I could that day, but still managed to wake up at 5 a.m. In New York time that was 1 p.m., so I was able to stay distracted via social media. The day I moved into my apartment was another rainy Sydney morning. Alone, and with no cell service or map, I found my way to 702 Harris Street and checked in. The empty bedroom and suite style apartment excited me, and decorating and unpacking gave me something to do for a while.
The first few weeks are a strange blur. Days seemed to drag on where I had little to nothing to do. That first Sunday, I went alone to a student event; a walk to the Rocks, the historic district around the Opera House. It was there that I met my best friend.
I'd like to share a little something I learned from all of this. That piece of knowledge is that we don't meet people for no reason. Human connections don't come out of nowhere. This is where you are supposed to be. I'd like to thank God's plan for bringing me Sandra and Mathew. First, I'll start with Sandra.
I remember thinking she was far too cool to want to waste any time with me. She and I discovered we are both journalism majors, and were enrolled in one of the same classes. I don't recall exactly what brought us so close, but I am so incredibly grateful that it happened. It wasn't long before we were spending drunken nights eating kebabs and maccas together. Drinking boxed wine until the entire thing was empty. And sharing a delicious hungover meal together at moo burger that we didn't deserve, only to follow it by returning to our respective homes and taking a nap. I so wish that we had lived together, because I can only imagine just how much fun that would have been. Sandra and I share one important trait, and that's that we can make ANYTHING into a joke. And that's exactly what we did. I miss her so much. It's like a part of me is missing now.
The first month of uni was a drunken blur, essentially. I had to figure out where exactly my classes were (got lost a few times), where to find the cheapest produce (Paddy's market), how much a week to spend on bubble teas (approximately $10 AUD), and how to get drunk fast for cheap (boxes of goon.)
Toward the end of August, I was feeling pretty decently homesick. And almost immediately after wondering why I had even put myself in this position, I met a young man by the name of Mathew. I met him on tinder, to be honest, but I don't even believe that.
Not even a minute into meeting him, he laughed at something I said that was in no way funny at all. Looking back now, I realized something was different about him from that moment on. We spent an awesome night together drinking buckets of coronas on Darling Harbor, talking until the sun set and then some. We went back to my building to join my friends in celebrating a birthday for Odette, up on the rooftop. It was like the place was empty. I didn't want to talk to anyone else, there was only him. He followed me downstairs to my room so I could grab my purse on the way out, the apartment was dark as we were walking out. Boldened by a few drinks, I turned around and kissed him. I just had to.
The first few times we hung out afterwords felt almost uncomfortable, because of how comfortable it was. Does that make sense? It does to me. I was confused about his feelings because he was so kind, so respectful. I wasn't used to it.
The next few months consisted of us growing closer, spending weekends and weeknights together. Waking up early so he could go to work. Hiking to lighthouses, cooking dinner, watching movies, cuddling, sleeping, existing together. Happiness coursed through my veins.
The only way I was ever sad was because of my past issues. Breaking down emotional walls is the most challenging thing a person can do. "You didn't do this to me, you don't deserve this," I cried. Easier for me to believe that he was unfaithful or lying than to think he was being truthful and loving. "It's okay, we're gonna talk about this and figure it out." he said 20,000 times, speaking directly to my insecurity.
It's been a few weeks since I cried about it, but writing this now by the dim light of my laptop brings me to tears. I am out of ways to express my gratitude, my appreciation for what he has done to me. When I returned, people asked, how do you feel?
"I feel light, I feel carefree and without this heavy burden I used to carry on my shoulders."
I didn't realize how heavy a load I had created for myself until it was gone. This is how I am meant to feel.
I want everyone to know and learn one thing from this post. Self discovery is the most important discovery you can make. Find yourself, and accept yourself fully, then you can be happy no matter what the circumstance. I met incredible people on my journey who helped me to discover that the person I am is acceptable and lovable. I am forever grateful.
Now it's time to finish my bachelor's degree and figure out what my next step is. These next two semesters are already turning out to be adventures in themselves. Not as exciting and new as Australia was, but that's okay. I'm enjoying spending time with family and re-introducing myself to my life as this new, fulfilled person.
The future is wide open... and yes, it's scary, but its even more beautiful. I can do whatever I want next. I'm trying not to plan too far ahead, because the thought of years to come is a bit overwhelming, especially seeing as graduation is in my near future. I haven't known a life without school since I was 5 years old.. this time around, I'm confident I can figure it out.
Thank you to all the amazing, life changing people I met in Australia. No matter how many days and nights we spent together, it didn't feel like enough. I love you guys.
Monday, August 10, 2015
On My Own, But Not Alone
It's nearly been a month since I packed up my bags, got on a plane, and 24 hours later, arrived in Sydney, Australia for my study abroad experience.
In that time I have made friends, seen some sights, experienced Sydney nightlife, and began my studies. I have 4 more months to do and see a lot more, but this is a start.
One thing I can say so far is that this is incredibly uncomfortable in the best way. I have taken myself out of my comfort zone and moved across the planet. I think about home everyday, and how it is all so different here, but in the end I will have done something huge. Become comfortable in an uncomfortable situation.
Reminds me of a scene from GIRLS when Hannah is commissioned to write an e-book, and the editor has this on his wall.
Right now I am so far away from my comfort zone; my friends, family, hometown, college. I love and appreciate all those things and people so much. But now is my time to be alone, to grow up and out and forward.
In that time I have made friends, seen some sights, experienced Sydney nightlife, and began my studies. I have 4 more months to do and see a lot more, but this is a start.
One thing I can say so far is that this is incredibly uncomfortable in the best way. I have taken myself out of my comfort zone and moved across the planet. I think about home everyday, and how it is all so different here, but in the end I will have done something huge. Become comfortable in an uncomfortable situation.
Reminds me of a scene from GIRLS when Hannah is commissioned to write an e-book, and the editor has this on his wall.
Right now I am so far away from my comfort zone; my friends, family, hometown, college. I love and appreciate all those things and people so much. But now is my time to be alone, to grow up and out and forward.
Quick glimpse of what I've been up to
Sunday, May 10, 2015
My Biological Best Friend
She is everything. Sometimes I am caught off guard with moments of clarity, of a memory that we have shared. A smile or a laugh. I can feel her hugs and embrace even when I am miles away.
In my worst moments, the one thing that I know would help me is her wise word.
My love for her goes deeper than anything I can describe.
My one, unmoving rock. No matter what words I throw at it, it will not be moved.
In exchange for all of the fresh egg sandwiches, $20 bills, packed lunches, organized closets, new ballet shoes, textbooks and novels- you have my unwavering adoration.
The time will come when I will provide for you the way you always have for me.
And you are so deserving.
A fearful tear comes to my eye when I think of leaving you, for months and weeks to come.
My fingers tremble at the thought of being away from my mother.
But with all the unwavering love you have shown me, I know I have nothing to truly be afraid of.
Thank you for all you have taught, given, and shown me. With my entire life in your hands you shaped me to be just as strong and smart as you are. Now is the time that I get to prove it to you, and you get to marvel at all your hard work.
Everything I have, I got from you. I love you Mommy.
In my worst moments, the one thing that I know would help me is her wise word.
My love for her goes deeper than anything I can describe.
My one, unmoving rock. No matter what words I throw at it, it will not be moved.
In exchange for all of the fresh egg sandwiches, $20 bills, packed lunches, organized closets, new ballet shoes, textbooks and novels- you have my unwavering adoration.
The time will come when I will provide for you the way you always have for me.
And you are so deserving.
A fearful tear comes to my eye when I think of leaving you, for months and weeks to come.
My fingers tremble at the thought of being away from my mother.
But with all the unwavering love you have shown me, I know I have nothing to truly be afraid of.
Thank you for all you have taught, given, and shown me. With my entire life in your hands you shaped me to be just as strong and smart as you are. Now is the time that I get to prove it to you, and you get to marvel at all your hard work.
Everything I have, I got from you. I love you Mommy.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Firework
With you, it's been back and forth a thousand and one times.
From pure love to pure anger and hatred, I've felt every ounce of it
Shock and unsettled emotion
One endearing look is all it takes
Maybe I'm too kind,
letting you have such power
But I can't argue with my heart
When I see us
I visualize a firework
Brightness igniting and lighting the dark
The sound of your breath is louder than the impact
and the feel of your hand is more electric than the chemistry
The days that it is the most simple
are the easiest
I forget my pride for a moment
and let you in
Judgment blurred but I see it all
Straight past my insecurities and
into your arms.
From pure love to pure anger and hatred, I've felt every ounce of it
Shock and unsettled emotion
One endearing look is all it takes
Maybe I'm too kind,
letting you have such power
But I can't argue with my heart
When I see us
I visualize a firework
Brightness igniting and lighting the dark
The sound of your breath is louder than the impact
and the feel of your hand is more electric than the chemistry
The days that it is the most simple
are the easiest
I forget my pride for a moment
and let you in
Judgment blurred but I see it all
Straight past my insecurities and
into your arms.
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Head to Heart
So begins a new semester. It's very difficult to believe that this is my fourth semester here at school. To give you all an update on my life, I'm doing wonderfully! Classes have begun and I like all of them so far. I got a weekly babysitting job to have some extra cash and the radio station is starting up again. I have a feeling I'm going to be getting much busier.
As for romance and personal growth.. strange that I decided to word it that way, anyways..
I've decided that I need to put myself first. I have many great qualities about me, and I hear it all the time from the amazing people in my life, but sometimes I tend to forget it. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't see the most perfect version of myself. This has been a problem of mine for as long as I can remember. I'm never proud of myself. I have plenty of accomplishments under my belt but I still feel inadequate most days. It even translates into my personal relationships, I will hold myself back from people I have just met in fear that I will talk too much. And I fear that what I have to say won't be interesting or important to the person I'm talking to. I'm at the gym nearly every day working out for hours on end, and when I leave I am still unsatisfied with my performance. I wonder if I will ever shake this feeling.
It's the strangest thing, being this outgoing and seemingly confident person is not all its cracked up to me. Its not that I hate myself.. that's definitely not it. I just don't see myself as particularly extraordinary. Despite all of the wonderful things that happen in my life.. past, present, and future.
Nonetheless, God has put someone in my life as of recently that I am excited to learn about. It feels good, and he's sweet. No matter what happens with it, it's great to meet new people who enjoy your company.
Katie: You can run a 9 minute mile. You are on track to graduate college a year ahead. You are in a position of power at the campus radio station. You have nice blonde hair. You are funny and interesting.
These are things I know in my head but can't seem to feel in my heart.
As for romance and personal growth.. strange that I decided to word it that way, anyways..
I've decided that I need to put myself first. I have many great qualities about me, and I hear it all the time from the amazing people in my life, but sometimes I tend to forget it. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't see the most perfect version of myself. This has been a problem of mine for as long as I can remember. I'm never proud of myself. I have plenty of accomplishments under my belt but I still feel inadequate most days. It even translates into my personal relationships, I will hold myself back from people I have just met in fear that I will talk too much. And I fear that what I have to say won't be interesting or important to the person I'm talking to. I'm at the gym nearly every day working out for hours on end, and when I leave I am still unsatisfied with my performance. I wonder if I will ever shake this feeling.
It's the strangest thing, being this outgoing and seemingly confident person is not all its cracked up to me. Its not that I hate myself.. that's definitely not it. I just don't see myself as particularly extraordinary. Despite all of the wonderful things that happen in my life.. past, present, and future.
Nonetheless, God has put someone in my life as of recently that I am excited to learn about. It feels good, and he's sweet. No matter what happens with it, it's great to meet new people who enjoy your company.
Katie: You can run a 9 minute mile. You are on track to graduate college a year ahead. You are in a position of power at the campus radio station. You have nice blonde hair. You are funny and interesting.
These are things I know in my head but can't seem to feel in my heart.
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