Giving up on it

There's nothing that I can plan in this life. I can't tell God when to throw the right person my way, the only thing I can do is hope that he knows what I need. I think he does, I mean that's what religion is for right? Faith? So in order for me to have faith, I must sit and wait. I try to think about how long I've been doing that. Its a while. I don't tend to think that my decisions have been mistakes, but now I might be starting to reconsider. What would have happened if I had stayed in that relationship? Would we still be together?

"Be brave." "That was a brave decision to make." "Sometimes you just have to brave through it."

I'm being told to be brave, and yet every day I grow more and more afraid. Its my time to be a big girl, and yet here I am, wanting nothing more than to rest my head on my Dad's shoulder or get a big hug from my Mommy. I am so blessed to love my parents so much and have them love me just the same. I have to be strong. I have to be here and get my degree and learn what I want to be. I have to be here to find myself.

I'm such a big baby. Whatever, I'm allowed to be whatever I want. I do what I have to do to get by.
"Man up. Put your helmet on and get back in the game." - Wise words from my Dad

Hopefully my next post here will be more optimistic. Until next time

How Do You Feel When Our Fingers Intertwine?

I swear, sometimes music can just take you back to a moment. A feeling, a sensation, a wish, a hope, a desire. Its like clockwork. The song plays, and I feel everything. The words don't even have to matter. The intense feeling of a piano striking the keys. The drums beating along to the pulse of your blood. There's nothing like it.

When I think of you, I see the way our fingers laced together. The way you looked at me: face to face. Eyes to eyes. Maybe I'm over romanticising it. But I could swear on what I saw in your eyes. I'm ready to start again with you. I know I can do it. Can you?

This is my problem, every life experience is a poem. I consider myself a writer, and I think that's my downfall. I'm living life like I would be writing a novel.

Sitting here writing this, I'm realizing that this is what I want, but I don't know if you feel the same way. I guess we will have to wait and see.