Explanation

I don't need one, I got one, trust me. I feel as though I need to give one. I feel most free when I can write. Whether or not you see this does not matter to me. I just need to know that its there.

I didn't care for you. You were loud, obnoxious, annoying. I even remember at orientation making fun of you for being "that guy." I was bored, you filled a hole in my life. A need, a want, a desire. Then something strange happened. I got used to you. I ran my fingers through your hair. You held my hand. You gave me piggyback rides to avoid the puddles. I stood in the rain and watched your antics during the rain delay. We watched our pupils dilate to the rise and fall of the light. Texts saying "Goodnight Beautiful." "Let me see your eyes," you said.

I allowed my judgment to be clouded. "He's different when it's just the two of us," I said. I knew it wouldn't end up with anything serious. I don't want that, and it's clear you don't either. But for a moment, I remembered what its like to be loved. All of those small lovely moments make it worth the ache. My head in your lap as we looked at the stars. We were so high.

I can only hope that these moments can overshadow the wrongs in your mind. Whether or not there were any real feelings of love here, I hope I allowed you to remember the simplicity of loving a girl. I can't say I want it back, because I don't, but all I want is to share those kinds of moments with someone who cares. That's what hurt the most. Not having these moments anymore.

I'll be fine. I am fine. I was fine before you, and I will be just fine after you. These scars on my heart will continue to grow in numbers. I will become stronger because of it.